I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
