1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
