my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
