we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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