i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
