I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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