Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You work out of a Hotel?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
