Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
