It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
