I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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