I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
