I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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