haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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