oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
