Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
