I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
