Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
