What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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