just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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