Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
