It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
