everyone is single if you try hard enough
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
