and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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