are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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