Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
