I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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