another moral hangover. fuck.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
