I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
