i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
