I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
