I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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