Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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