I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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