I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
