Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
