I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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