Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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