so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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