The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
