I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
