Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
