this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
