Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
