no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
