i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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