She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
