It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
