well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
