whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
