I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You can't just leave with hair like that
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
