u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
