Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
